Why I wanted to improve my fitness

Often in the Beachbody business they're asking what is your "why".  I always here different variations of my children are my inspiration.  There's nothing more humbling than knowing that there are people who rely on you for everything.  If you cannot see your own self-worth you can see your value to somebody else. That can take a while to hit home. That really didn’t hit home after I had Sary I didn’t miraculously gain maturity and perspective that my mom friends said I would gain. I was still pretty petty actually. I reached a new level of maturity after I had Piper.  I began to understand who I am. I put into perspective my relationships with my family of origin and with my place on this planet.  And if you hadn’t already guessed from my previous statement I went to therapy.

 

I learned that though the way Piper came into this world was the most horrible experience my life.  I lived day to day like at any moment my whole world could come crashing down around me.  During that time I felt like at any moment I could be totally destroyed.  This was my selfish view, my petty view.  The mature mom looks back on those days and remembers looking at the small baby, at all she went through for 65 days. I look at the fact that little did I know after the first week we were out of the woods all she was doing from that point forward was getting better.

 

Everything we take for granted in a full term baby, lifting their head, coordinating suck swallow and breathe reflexes.  My baby was suffering and struggle to just do normal everyday things like breathe. Through it all she didn't indicate that it bothered her at all and maybe it never did.  For people who have to struggle in life from the very beginning they don’t know any other reality.  It is only us that have had things come easy to us that resist pushing our limits or even reaching our potential for that matter.

 

There were challenges that she came home with after being born at 28 weeks.   We started occupational therapy.  I had to stretch her neck to tolerance that means you'll be stretching her neck she can deal with it anymore.  She had to accept not being held while being fed because her little body would go into sensory overload by feeling me touch her, feeling me breathing, and trying to accomplish a coordinated suck swallow breath, all at the same time.  Not only did she survive but if today you put  her next to a full term baby born when she was due in April she has not only caught up but she has surpassed her peers.

 

If she can achieve that I have no reasonable excuse in my mind that I could put together to make an excuse for why I would not make myself as healthy as possible. So that I can give them the quality of care and the fun experiences that they could only have with a healthy, fit mother. My children deserve for me to be here as long as possible. I have no doubt in my mind that if I can survive 65 days of the craziness of the NICU, I can do anything.

Social Pariah

It's amazing what an impact dieting has on being social. I knew that eating was a social activity, but it hadn't occurred to me until I changed my eating habits, how giving up social eating would bother other people. I realize now that I had been bothered in the same way before I was watching I was eating. Before I was eating healthy I would give somebody a hard time because they didn't want to have an extra dessert or go out for Starbucks or what have you.

Another thing that amazes me that when I go out for a work event how much food is being served. I eat appetizers and I have plenty to eat for dinner and then after the presentation dinner is served. The buffet is open! When I didn't get up to get food a senior manager asked me why am not eating dinner. For the first in my life I actually felt like I was worthy enough to say to somebody who "outranked" me. "I'm okay I have lost 20 pounds since I started this project. I ate my 300 cal worth of dinner off of appetizers and I don't need to eat anymore." (Plus on top of that I had a dirty margarita-martini and a beer.) I never knew there's so many calories anything I was eating at these events!

I even feel awkward when I go out to eat with friends and I order "diet" food. My standard McDonald's order is no longer a #8 (Southern fried chicken sandwich with french fries and Sweet Tea), it is it is a grilled chicken honey mustard wrap, with no fries, and a Diet Coke.

I know how I use to feel when skinny girls would sit there and  split a salad or whatever. I would be like seriously that's all you are eating is salad?!? I would see the girl that had a perfectly good figure and she would say "I want a half salad with half the normal amount of cheese with dressing on the side. I don't need any cookies. I'll just drink water." And think what are you trying to prove?

And what about the people at work with the pumpkin chocolate chip cookies (I made them myself.) Or the meetings with Chick-fil-A catering with those yummy chicken nuggets, waffle fries, and the gooey yummy brownie. Thankfully I don't have a donut day on Friday bagel day Wednesday at this office. It's not the temptation for the lack of willpower - it is the social pressure. Why is it that it bothers people to see other people refuse food? Why does that bother people when other people are making healthy choices?

Some people have more positive motivations than others for example when someone is a host they're offering food because they're trying to be hospitable. Other times people feel that by you refusing what they offer is you acting superior to them, there food isn't good enough for you, or they think - you think -  you are superior because you have more willpower than they do. Of course there is the neutral most common motivation which is to be social, when somebody is enjoying something, they want you to enjoy it too.

Studies show that fat people are viewed as having a lack of willpower. That the obese person has not organized and is slovenly. These assumption made in the workplace really do have an impact on the idea that when you eat together you are leveling the playing field. (And that by not eating with the group you are raising yourself above the others.)

But when you go out for a happy hour and it's expected that you're going to drink 2 to 3 drinks and then you're going to eat a couple thousand calories of the food that has nothing to do with your performance as a team player or leveling the playing field. It has to do with his over-indulgent society that likes to use the food to give them pleasure anf joy. Often you go to these events is about drinking your money's worth eating money's worth it's about getting as much from the corporate sponsorship of activity as possible. I'm not going to fast so that I can get my money's worth. Maybe I need to bring a Tupperware dish to bring my money's worth home.  But actually I don't want to most of the time the food isn't good enough that I want to eat it again later. Maybe I will just put a bottle of wine in my purse!