Weight Loss Motivation

The moment that triggered my weight lose motivation was when Sary told me she didn’t want to have a big butt like me when she grew up.  She had just watched Peter Pan the original where there is a focus on Tinker Bells thick thighs and how she is jealous of Wendy’s relationship with Peter.  It was an innocent moment but it hit me hard.  I also felt like that was how I must look to her.  She saw me as a Tinker Bell who was not satisfied with herself.

Another moment of realization and motivation was when Sary asked me if when she grew up she would be on all the vitamins I am on.  That was so sad for me to hear because I knew that if I lost weight and I took control of my life I would be able to get off all of my medicines.

I had always thought that my weight was out of my hands.  I had received this message over and over again from my mother as a child.  She would go on these yo yo diets never really committing and finally giving up and saying I guess I will be fat forever.  I had tried to lose weight but it was never instantaneous enough for me.  I would see when I exercised that my arms got more toned and I looked different but it didn’t change anything about how I felt about myself. 

By the time I had my reality check moment with Sary I had skills I didn’t have when I was a teen and had run out of the excuses I had in my 20s.  I was no longer trying to get pregnant and taking hormones and I knew I would never do that again because my family was complete with Sary and Piper.  I knew that I could overcome PCOS because Jillian Michaels has it too and that didn’t make her stay fat.  So it was up to me.  I could not let the negative thoughts in my head lead me down a path where I would be the mom with the shelf of pills to keep her healthy when I knew controlling my diet and exercise would keep me healthier. 

So here I am 40 pounds lighter seeing that I have met my goals of being healthy for my daughters.  Now I have a new motivation.  I have never been shallow enough to be motivated by pants size or a goal weight.  Mostly those numbers demotivated me because I saw them as unobtainable stumbling blocks.  What motivates me know is being healthy and strong enough to do the physical feats that my husband and I can enjoy together.  I am excited about doing runs with him.  I am happy that we can go on Parkour dates.  I am looking forward to hiking this summer. 

I feel that if the motivations must also be internal or they will fade away.  I am motivated by my own dream to hike the Appalachian Trail and my dream of climbing Gallihugh Mountain. (Where the original Sary lived.)  Last week I celebrated as I went for a walk in the snow with Sary and wasn’t too tired to go back and retrieve her lost glove, which I found half way between home and where we turned around on our walk.  I look forward to rewarding myself for my birthday and getting a bike.  I have always enjoyed riding a bike but for a while I was too fat to comfortably sit on a seat and didn’t have the stamina to ride. 

What motivates you?

What was your favorite blog post?

My favorite blog posts were the two I wrote about my girl, Sary and Piper.

Llama llama Holiday Drama!!

I have reached the pinnical of holiday insanity this year.  I deserve an award because I got this accomplished before December 1st!  I have been working to get everything done early this year.

I have been mentally going through my check list. 
 Christmas shopping, [check] (except for stockings.)
Sary's birthday party planned, [check]. 
Family Christmas Card [check] (Even though we failed twice to get our family picture taken. I made and cancelled two appointments with Picture People.  One time I made it so close that we even had the dog in the car ready to go.)
Jake is getting into the habit of moving TEOS Henry around each night [check].
PJ for christmas morning [check].
The trip to the cabin is paid for [check]. 
Saurkraut is acquired from MIL [check]
New Years resolutions are rolling around in my head [almost check]. 

With all of these things complete what could be driving me insane you ask.

I just recieved the newsletter from Sary's PreK class!  Reading it made me cry litterally. I cant take it! I can't get ahead! I can't do it all!  ::insert throwing myself on the floor kicking and pounding my fist and you have the picture::

There are 15 school days before Christmas 10 of those days we need to send something into class with Sary. 3 of those days I need to take time off work to attend an event (ballet recital, Christmas party and Christmas breakfast.) I need to buy: new tights, new shoes, a gift for a pal, a supply for a gingerbread house and a dish to share for the holiday meal, some of which I will be supprised with a sign up list later this month so I can't even go ahead and do all the shopping at once.  Oh and I think Sary is out of craft shirts so we should send in a pack of those since they will be painting a gingerbread shirt one day. (Which means that she will probably ruin some of her clothes with t shirt paint again this month and she will have another Tshirt she will refuse to wear except on the day Ms Regina tells her to.)

Oh and lets not forget that suprise they are not only taking the day after Christmas off but also the Day after New Years Day off. In the last week of Dec and the first week of January the center is open for a total of 4 full days and 2 half days.  I think the December days were on the school calendar all year but the January days are news to me.

AHHH I feel better! 

Allergies drive me nuts nuts nuts

I had this sinking feeling all day yesterday and I tried to make it go away.  I tried to ignore it.  My kids are fine the are all finally healthy be happy momma.  But as much as I was trying to deny it I knew the appointment Jake was taking Piper to at 3:00 was significant.

I am already an allergy momma I know what allergic reactions look like.  We can have all the Burkety thoughts we want but hives don't lie.  I also knew what ever she was allergic too was pretty common too.  She had been having her rash even during the week that all she had was Formula, Milk and Starch due to her stomach bug.  So we were looking at a wheat, milk or soy allergy and I knew it.  Jake was trying to convince me that she was allergic to egg which would be hard for some families but easy for us since Sary is already sensitive to eggs.

I had a list of things she had reacted to that I sent to Jake via email with a link to the forms he needed to fill out for the appointment.  He called on his way there saying that he felt extra prepared and on top of things that he had even packed a man-diaper bag.  He could do this I was not doubting his parenting abilities.  But would he hear the same instructions from the doctor that I would?  Would he explain the different reactions?  Could he fully discribe a mothers worry?  Too late now the ball is in Daddy's court.  Text me! I instruct then wait.

He sends a text.
J: No test for avocado or jalapenos. Not reliable enough. He says if we're concerned just avoid them.

M: Okay Obviously we will avoid jalapeno but I might try avocado again
M: What are they testing?

J: I don't have a list yet.
J: Almond Walnut Wheat Soy Milk Egg and Peanut

M: Pretty standard probably the same as Sary's first test if I remember correctly

J: I don't know the order, but it looks like she is only having 1 reaction.

M: One reaction besides the histamine

J: Yeah

M: :/

J: She was over being poked before the lady gathered up and left the room.

M: Good
M: If she comes back in the room be for time is up ask her is the reacting one is egg

J: Milk :( and walnut. Egg was fine 

After he talked to the doctor again he gave me a call.  Piper's reactions were small not a true allergy response.  The Walnut might not be anything but he said we should avoid nuts at this age and bring her back in a year and he would retest the walnut and peanut because if we are a peanut free house she might not have ever been exposed to them before.

As for the milk we have to experiment at home to find the answer  two weeks no dairy and then give her lots of milk at least one cup at each meal.  We watch for a reaction and see what happens.

I am an allergy momma I know this approach this approach is what we did with Sary and the egg allergy and we learned on our own after one dose that Sary got bad stomach cramps and full body rash to egg.  We then kept her away from egg and the next time she was tested the response was huge. Sometimes I worry that the strict avoidance is what caused her to be more allergic then I remember that in the begining even a small amount made Sary miserable.

I am hoping that Piper will be able to have small doses of milk maybe just not big glasses of milk.  It would be good if she could drink Silk but then eat normally. 

Last night Sary and I were at the grocery store I was trying to read all the labels on the Gerber Graduates to see what I could send with Piper to school.  Sary kept running off to look at colored bubbles and bubble bath.  "Sary get over here and help me find food for your sister, or you will go in the babyseat in the cart!"

 At that point I realize that I am losing it in the baby aisle and I put down the gerber graduate and pick out Pink bubbles and Mr Bubble bubble bath.

Back to the baby aisle I found one thing she could eat "Chicken and Stars" grabbed six tubs threw them in the cart hope she likes them. Read the puffs she loves Thank God they are safe.  Six packs of veggies.  After locating Vanilla Silk we are set for the two week no dairy trial.

As we walk away I say to Sary,  "I am Super Mom I kept you safe from egg and peanut I can keep Piper safe from milk right?"

"Right Momma! Peanuts drive me nuts nuts nuts!" Sary continued to sing the peanuts drive me nuts song at the top of her lungs for the rest of the shopping trip.

I am not ready to be a Dance Mom

We paid for Sary to take 10 classes in what was called "Story Ballet" which this school classifies as a "community outreach" class.  While in this class we also signed up for a performance which was advertised to the class participants and parents.  The performance package cost as much as the 10 lessons but what it  included was: 4 weeks of rehearsals, use of a costume, two tickets to the performance, a cast party, and a DVD.

It was kind of intense since Sarys regular class and rehearsals both fell on a Saturday.  For "Story Ballet" Sary could wear whatever she wanted and have her hair however she chose.  (I tried to keep it in a ponytail.) We did buy her proper ballet shoes for the class. 

For the performance rehearsals she was required: to attend ALL of the rehearsals, tights/leggings,  ballet dress, ballet socks, ballet shoes and "performance ready" hair.  Which was intimidating as Sary and I are lucky to get her hair brushed most days and performance perfect buns seemed out of the realm of possibility.  I asked a dancer we know at church for hair tips.

At some point when she was in full swing of this rehearsal schedule her Story Ballet teacher and I discussed putting her in "curriculum" classes possibly starting immediately with a transfer. This got me excited that she was performing well and learning.  It also made me a little nervous. Afer emailing repeatedly and calling the school during office hours the  assistant director in charge of admittance couldn't bother to return my phone calls or emails.

As the performance got closer I started to get  more irritated.  Is there just something in my past that makes me resistant to the conformity of a ballet conservatory. Or is it just natural to get irritated when an organization cannot get themselves organized enough to make it convenient for my friends and family to order tickets but have very high expectations of me and my four year old? She was expected to be on time for rehearsal though the teacher often made them wait to get started so she could walk her dog or make announcements to parents.  The announcements the week before the performance were as follows "I don't know how much the tickets are"  "I don't know when they will be available" "When I said pink tights in the class announcement I really meant peach."  Make sure the have performance perfect hair no matter how much gel and hairspray it takes." "Drop your kids off in tights and a hoody only"

We found out how much the tickets costs the Thursday before the performance on Sunday.  So much for inviting friends.  Not a good way to run a  fundraiser you would think they would want to sell out.

We arrived ten minutes before the drop off time which was "too early" "you must be new to the conservatory because ballet time is always at least ten minutes late".  The performance started ten minutes late.  The performance went okay.  But I think they would have done better if they had practiced they day before instead of trying costumes on the whole time. So after the performance we were not allowed to take pictures of the kids in their costumes after they left the stage and we were not allowed in the dressing rooms.  But Sary was not being let out of the dressing room because all she was wearing was tights and a hoody. ugh  When I tried to go in they said we have to do it this way we haven't lost a dancer yet.  But my 4 year old is in there frustrated because she cannot express that those are all the clothes she has because that is how the teacher told mommy to dress her for drop off.

When asked if she liked is she said "It was bored".  humph
So we went out to Red Robin and celebrated as a family Burkets enjoy celebrating life. 

Then on Friday at 7:30 pm we receive an invitation to the cast party 2:30 -4:00 on Sunday party dress required.  I was so done with the school at this point Jake says we have to go so we can get the DVD.  I asked Jake to take Sary to it.  But then Sunday Sary asks that I go with her because all the Mommies will be there. I get her dressed in her party dress and squeeze her feet into last years dress shoes.  We go we wait ten minutes and then it finally starts.  Then they play the 12 and 3 o'clock performances simultaneously on opposite sides of the room. The cake has egg and the drink is pink lemonade which Sary thinks is too sour even if it is pink.  She eats the oreos and rice krispie treat I packed in my purse with water.  We get our goody bag full of cheap pinata hard candy. Her performance teacher did not come to the party which clearly disappointed her. BTW DVD are not ready yet we will get an email at some future time and be told when we can pick it up. 

There is just some thing wrong with the messages they are sending these girls.  It is very important how you look.  But you do not have to respect others time.  You do not have to respect others feelings.  You are not responsible to make sure things are organized in such a way that it is easy for the people you are working with as long as they are easy for you. 

On my way out of the building I said a little silent good bye to the extremely impractical uncomfortable siezure inducing benches in the parents observation area.  I very patiently let Sary walk on the retaining wall even though she was in her party dress and I was anxious to get out of there.

I think we will stick with Petite Dance at day care this spring and find a new ballet school in the fall.  Petite Dance Ballet starts on Tuesday.  I am looking forward to dressing her in her pink t-shirt and ponytail.

One Woman's Pet Peeve is Another Woman's Endearing Quality

Have you ever noticed you become more like the company you keep? I have found this to be especially true with how I see people in my life.  If I am hanging out with people who think that kids are the greatest thing ever I am all smooshy and gaga about being a mom but if I am with someone who sees their children as a burden, all those annoying little things start to bother me.  The same goes for my husband.  If I am hanging out with women that are frustrated in their marriage I am more likely to be frustrated with the annoying things he does.

To be honest everyone has annoying things they do.  It is not that we love them in spite of these things we love including these annoying traits.  Also what annoys one person might not annoy someone else.  I love that Sary knows her own mind.  But I do find it annoying that she feels she must yell to get her point across.  I love that Jake likes to have a busy schedule.  But I do find it annoying that he is late all the time because he over commits.

Hasn't she noticed it is July? No one gets sick in July!

As my dear friend Angela is constantly reminding me "Do not pray for patience or God will help you by exercising your skills."  So this week I did not pray for patience but I did my best to practice my patience.  I spent Sunday evening in the ER with Sary because she had 103.5 fever and was complaining of abdominal pain.  It was on the right side so I was afraid it was appendicitis but when I got to the ER they seemed to think that a urinary tract infection was more likely for a girl her age.  Her pee came back normal and we moved on to focusing on her appendix.  In the mean time they started an IV and took some blood.  (both of these were a first for Sary).

She handled it like a rockstar. Sary was so well behaved she charmed all the nurses and techs. She was quite adorable in her rainbow pants with her rainbow build-a-bear and her light up stride-rite shoes.

 She had an ultrasound and they couldn't see the appendix. Then we moved onto a CAT scan which required her to drink contrast, and have some contrast injected through her IV and she had to be sedated.  The nurse told the Dr that she was sucha  good patient that she didn't need sedation but the Dr insisted.  The CAT scan came back clear.

The Dr determined that there was no need for surgery and that she had a virus and should be seen by her Pediatrician the next day.

I must have been quite the sight scooping up my sedated 3 year old that is more than half my height, lugging her to the car, looking worse coming out of the ER than she did going in.  I was so overwhelmed that I forgot her discharge papers in the exam room.

The medication they used to sedate her made her sick over night and in the morning.

On Monday morning when we went to the Pediatricians office Dr P looked at the results from the CAT and said there was fluid in her lungs. She listened to her lungs and her crackling and wheezing.  She determined that Sary had early pneumonia and that the abdominal pain was referred pain from her lungs.  Just when I thought I was going to start getting into a groove with this whole going back to work on a project thing Sary gets pneumonia! 

I spent Monday with Sary and she spent Tuesday and Wednesday at Nana's while I went into the office. She was so sad about being sick she cried herself to sleep Tuesday night.  She wanted me to stay with her so bad on Wednesday that I almost turned around and came back home.  But we were both strong.

Here we are we made it to Thursday. Dr P says there is a little crackling left in her lungs but she is on the mend.  I am home with her and Piper for the next four days.  Thankful once again that I get to spend more than 50% of my week with my babies.