Sary is a little person I know that is an obvious statement but she is a little person that is influenced by everything she sees and hears and feels. When mommy is sad because she lost her special new cell phone what does that tell her about the value of stuff? I lost my phone on Thursday and Monday she asked me if I was still sad about my phone. I told her “No I realized there are more important things in life than some silly old phone.” Sary said “But it was your new phone!” “There are more important things in life than my silly new phone.”
Sary and I were at CVS yesterday and in the spirit of being better I told her she could only choose one treat while we were there. (She was home sick and had gone to the doctor so a treat was in order.) We went up and down the aisles and she wanted a $4 balloon that was starting to deflate and I convinced her that the bag of balloons for $1.89 that mommy could blow up was better. We were walking toward the front and she said what else do you want mommy. Nothing just your treat and your medicine. After several more negotiations we walked out with medicine, balloons and a candy bar because after talking her out of three more things the candy bar at the counter was too big of a challenge. (So what did we learn here: no does not mean no and Mommy is weakest at the counter.)
She started crying last because she wanted to have her silly straw cup. The silly straw cup that we put back at Target a week and a half ago because she chose window clings instead. Then she said but you wanted me to have it. Yes at the time I told her that it was a better choice but she seems to have lost that somewhere in the translation. (So what did we learn here even when mommy goes through with the one treat at a time Sary still feels ownership over everything we traded out?)
I am worried that I am raising a materialistic child. This last year has been tough to say the least and I have been using my strength elsewhere and fighting the gimme monster has been low on my list. Time to do better.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Better
We have gone through hell in 2011 and we are better because of it.
I learned throughout the last year what kind of strength resides in me. How strong I am physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. And in learning the depths of my strength I have grown in every dimension.
I survived major surgery and then walkout of the hospital to my car head held high with no baby in my arms. I walked to the parking garage to my car because I could not bear the idea of sitting in the lobby watching the newborn bundles go home when my sweet Piper was in a plastic box, covered in wires, incubating under billi-lights.
I held it together for my sweet girl Sary and convince her that life is going on as normal (while I was dying inside) and that it is normal for a baby to stay at the hospital after they are born.
I drove to and from the hospital everyday wondering what my perfect little Piper would be doing next and drove home every night wondering if she would survive until I saw her again.
I learned that prayer can strengthen me and hold me up and comfort me.
After two months that seemed like an eternity.
I took a tiny baby home and loved her to pieces.
I moved on past my NICU fears: She will not break. No one will take her away. I am her mother.
It took me the second half of the year to recover from the trauma of the first half. I have new gray hairs, new wrinkles, and a different shaped body which will always remind me of this time but I will recover from the pain.
I learned what really matters in life. I learned that it is never too late to forgive. I learned that time is precious and that you cannot predict the future, so loving someone cannot wait until the right time. It doesn’t matter if there is work, it doesn’t matter if the house is dirty, it doesn’t matter if it requires you to admit you made a mistake. Life cannot wait. If 28 week old babies can be born on their own schedule and turn my life upside down there is no telling what will happen next. It is time to do better now there is no time to waste.
I am leaving 2011 behind already. I have moved on and 2012 is the year of Better. Not “Getting Better” but simply Better. As in Piper is better. I am better.
Jake and I have decided we are going to do better. We are going to tighten our budget and make better financial decisions. We are going to look at how we spend our time and make better decisions about what we do with it. This is the year of better.
God bless our little Miracle. God bless our little family. Amen
I learned throughout the last year what kind of strength resides in me. How strong I am physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. And in learning the depths of my strength I have grown in every dimension.
I survived major surgery and then walkout of the hospital to my car head held high with no baby in my arms. I walked to the parking garage to my car because I could not bear the idea of sitting in the lobby watching the newborn bundles go home when my sweet Piper was in a plastic box, covered in wires, incubating under billi-lights.
I held it together for my sweet girl Sary and convince her that life is going on as normal (while I was dying inside) and that it is normal for a baby to stay at the hospital after they are born.
I drove to and from the hospital everyday wondering what my perfect little Piper would be doing next and drove home every night wondering if she would survive until I saw her again.
I learned that prayer can strengthen me and hold me up and comfort me.
After two months that seemed like an eternity.
I took a tiny baby home and loved her to pieces.
I moved on past my NICU fears: She will not break. No one will take her away. I am her mother.
It took me the second half of the year to recover from the trauma of the first half. I have new gray hairs, new wrinkles, and a different shaped body which will always remind me of this time but I will recover from the pain.
I learned what really matters in life. I learned that it is never too late to forgive. I learned that time is precious and that you cannot predict the future, so loving someone cannot wait until the right time. It doesn’t matter if there is work, it doesn’t matter if the house is dirty, it doesn’t matter if it requires you to admit you made a mistake. Life cannot wait. If 28 week old babies can be born on their own schedule and turn my life upside down there is no telling what will happen next. It is time to do better now there is no time to waste.
I am leaving 2011 behind already. I have moved on and 2012 is the year of Better. Not “Getting Better” but simply Better. As in Piper is better. I am better.
Jake and I have decided we are going to do better. We are going to tighten our budget and make better financial decisions. We are going to look at how we spend our time and make better decisions about what we do with it. This is the year of better.
God bless our little Miracle. God bless our little family. Amen
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