Weight Loss Motivation

The moment that triggered my weight lose motivation was when Sary told me she didn’t want to have a big butt like me when she grew up.  She had just watched Peter Pan the original where there is a focus on Tinker Bells thick thighs and how she is jealous of Wendy’s relationship with Peter.  It was an innocent moment but it hit me hard.  I also felt like that was how I must look to her.  She saw me as a Tinker Bell who was not satisfied with herself.

Another moment of realization and motivation was when Sary asked me if when she grew up she would be on all the vitamins I am on.  That was so sad for me to hear because I knew that if I lost weight and I took control of my life I would be able to get off all of my medicines.

I had always thought that my weight was out of my hands.  I had received this message over and over again from my mother as a child.  She would go on these yo yo diets never really committing and finally giving up and saying I guess I will be fat forever.  I had tried to lose weight but it was never instantaneous enough for me.  I would see when I exercised that my arms got more toned and I looked different but it didn’t change anything about how I felt about myself. 

By the time I had my reality check moment with Sary I had skills I didn’t have when I was a teen and had run out of the excuses I had in my 20s.  I was no longer trying to get pregnant and taking hormones and I knew I would never do that again because my family was complete with Sary and Piper.  I knew that I could overcome PCOS because Jillian Michaels has it too and that didn’t make her stay fat.  So it was up to me.  I could not let the negative thoughts in my head lead me down a path where I would be the mom with the shelf of pills to keep her healthy when I knew controlling my diet and exercise would keep me healthier. 

So here I am 40 pounds lighter seeing that I have met my goals of being healthy for my daughters.  Now I have a new motivation.  I have never been shallow enough to be motivated by pants size or a goal weight.  Mostly those numbers demotivated me because I saw them as unobtainable stumbling blocks.  What motivates me know is being healthy and strong enough to do the physical feats that my husband and I can enjoy together.  I am excited about doing runs with him.  I am happy that we can go on Parkour dates.  I am looking forward to hiking this summer. 

I feel that if the motivations must also be internal or they will fade away.  I am motivated by my own dream to hike the Appalachian Trail and my dream of climbing Gallihugh Mountain. (Where the original Sary lived.)  Last week I celebrated as I went for a walk in the snow with Sary and wasn’t too tired to go back and retrieve her lost glove, which I found half way between home and where we turned around on our walk.  I look forward to rewarding myself for my birthday and getting a bike.  I have always enjoyed riding a bike but for a while I was too fat to comfortably sit on a seat and didn’t have the stamina to ride. 

What motivates you?

What was your favorite blog post?

My favorite blog posts were the two I wrote about my girl, Sary and Piper.

Why I wanted to improve my fitness

Often in the Beachbody business they're asking what is your "why".  I always here different variations of my children are my inspiration.  There's nothing more humbling than knowing that there are people who rely on you for everything.  If you cannot see your own self-worth you can see your value to somebody else. That can take a while to hit home. That really didn’t hit home after I had Sary I didn’t miraculously gain maturity and perspective that my mom friends said I would gain. I was still pretty petty actually. I reached a new level of maturity after I had Piper.  I began to understand who I am. I put into perspective my relationships with my family of origin and with my place on this planet.  And if you hadn’t already guessed from my previous statement I went to therapy.

 

I learned that though the way Piper came into this world was the most horrible experience my life.  I lived day to day like at any moment my whole world could come crashing down around me.  During that time I felt like at any moment I could be totally destroyed.  This was my selfish view, my petty view.  The mature mom looks back on those days and remembers looking at the small baby, at all she went through for 65 days. I look at the fact that little did I know after the first week we were out of the woods all she was doing from that point forward was getting better.

 

Everything we take for granted in a full term baby, lifting their head, coordinating suck swallow and breathe reflexes.  My baby was suffering and struggle to just do normal everyday things like breathe. Through it all she didn't indicate that it bothered her at all and maybe it never did.  For people who have to struggle in life from the very beginning they don’t know any other reality.  It is only us that have had things come easy to us that resist pushing our limits or even reaching our potential for that matter.

 

There were challenges that she came home with after being born at 28 weeks.   We started occupational therapy.  I had to stretch her neck to tolerance that means you'll be stretching her neck she can deal with it anymore.  She had to accept not being held while being fed because her little body would go into sensory overload by feeling me touch her, feeling me breathing, and trying to accomplish a coordinated suck swallow breath, all at the same time.  Not only did she survive but if today you put  her next to a full term baby born when she was due in April she has not only caught up but she has surpassed her peers.

 

If she can achieve that I have no reasonable excuse in my mind that I could put together to make an excuse for why I would not make myself as healthy as possible. So that I can give them the quality of care and the fun experiences that they could only have with a healthy, fit mother. My children deserve for me to be here as long as possible. I have no doubt in my mind that if I can survive 65 days of the craziness of the NICU, I can do anything.

Baby girl 18 months today

Piper you are 18 months old.  You have become such a unique little girl.  You have a very expressive face.  I am the expert on what each of your faces mean.  Except your scrunchy face.  One day Sary asked me "What does that face mean?" I couldn't tell her I knew it meant you had strong feelings but were you: frustrated, determined or concentrating?  I am glad Maria captured your scrunchy face in your portrait.

Everyone says you look just like Sary.  You two do look a lot alike but you are such a wild child you are uniquely different from your sister.  I cannot turn my back without you climbing the stairs behind me.  I always thought toilet latches were silly until you came into my life, now all toilet-seats are down and bathroom doors are closed.  As daring as you can be, you still get overwhelmed in crowds.  Like the day in the picture the kids were running in and out of the fountain at Fairfax corner and you were happy to watch from your stroller.

Even though you are not a big fan of crowds, you are Sary's #1 fan.  If she is laughing in another  -you laugh.  If she makes a funny face you think it is hysterical.  If she takes a toy you want from you though you do not take it lying down.  You make your scrunchy face and reach over and grab a handful of her hair.  You don't let go until she screeches if she laughs at you, you pull harder.  But if Sary is throwing a fit and crying you will cry too. 

 Piper you are a strong, determined, little girl and I am so excited to learn more about who you are as you grow and learn to express yourself with words and not just faces and hair pulls.  At the same time I want to hold you forever as my baby girl and smell the back of your little neck and kiss your sweet little feet.

Momma against the milk wielding world

Is Piper allergic to milk? I wish I had been the one to go to the doctor.  I would have come home with a more definitive stance on the issue.  I would have said she is allergic but we have to see how severe her reactions are.  However Jake came home directly quoting the doctor which is accurate, but not the stance allergy momma needs to take with well meaning bystanders.

Piper is allergic to milk protein.

"I have seen her eat ice cream she loves it!" says milk wielding bystander.

You should have seen Sary eat egg that one time she loved it until two hours later when she was getting sick and she looked up at me with these accusing eyes "Momma why did you have me eat egg? I hate egg!  I don't want the bucket!" 

Mommas needs to protect their kids from anything that will hurt them.  Piper gets hives from milk protein.  I don't want her to suffer with hives. As her momma it is my job to protect her immune system and not constantly inundate her with a substance that causes her body to react and to get hives. I need to avoid all milk products for a couple of weeks to get a full understanding of her reaction.  Fingers crossed she will be able to tolerate small amounts of milk.

In our milk free two weeks she has eaten:

• A few licks of Sary's creamy lollipop (blotches on face)
• Two bites of mac and cheese (legs got rashy)
• Nibble of Heath bar through the wrapper (no reaction but damn she is sneaky)
• Cupcake at school contents unknown (rashy legs again)

I like all you milk loving people want her to be able to enjoy ice cream but it won't be the end of the world if she has to eat toffuti ice cream. 

I actually did some research and bought her all kinds of stuff to try this week:

• Toffuti Chocolate Ice Cream
• Toffuti Cream Cheese (quite good actually)
• Vanilla Silk (I hear original Silk is not very tasty)
• Rice American Cheese (that are made for melting)

Piper can decide when she is grown if she wants to suffer with hives to be able to eat regular ice cream. 

Please take all allergies seriously. The more a child/person is exposed to an allergen the more severe the reactions can become.

Allergies drive me nuts nuts nuts

I had this sinking feeling all day yesterday and I tried to make it go away.  I tried to ignore it.  My kids are fine the are all finally healthy be happy momma.  But as much as I was trying to deny it I knew the appointment Jake was taking Piper to at 3:00 was significant.

I am already an allergy momma I know what allergic reactions look like.  We can have all the Burkety thoughts we want but hives don't lie.  I also knew what ever she was allergic too was pretty common too.  She had been having her rash even during the week that all she had was Formula, Milk and Starch due to her stomach bug.  So we were looking at a wheat, milk or soy allergy and I knew it.  Jake was trying to convince me that she was allergic to egg which would be hard for some families but easy for us since Sary is already sensitive to eggs.

I had a list of things she had reacted to that I sent to Jake via email with a link to the forms he needed to fill out for the appointment.  He called on his way there saying that he felt extra prepared and on top of things that he had even packed a man-diaper bag.  He could do this I was not doubting his parenting abilities.  But would he hear the same instructions from the doctor that I would?  Would he explain the different reactions?  Could he fully discribe a mothers worry?  Too late now the ball is in Daddy's court.  Text me! I instruct then wait.

He sends a text.
J: No test for avocado or jalapenos. Not reliable enough. He says if we're concerned just avoid them.

M: Okay Obviously we will avoid jalapeno but I might try avocado again
M: What are they testing?

J: I don't have a list yet.
J: Almond Walnut Wheat Soy Milk Egg and Peanut

M: Pretty standard probably the same as Sary's first test if I remember correctly

J: I don't know the order, but it looks like she is only having 1 reaction.

M: One reaction besides the histamine

J: Yeah

M: :/

J: She was over being poked before the lady gathered up and left the room.

M: Good
M: If she comes back in the room be for time is up ask her is the reacting one is egg

J: Milk :( and walnut. Egg was fine 

After he talked to the doctor again he gave me a call.  Piper's reactions were small not a true allergy response.  The Walnut might not be anything but he said we should avoid nuts at this age and bring her back in a year and he would retest the walnut and peanut because if we are a peanut free house she might not have ever been exposed to them before.

As for the milk we have to experiment at home to find the answer  two weeks no dairy and then give her lots of milk at least one cup at each meal.  We watch for a reaction and see what happens.

I am an allergy momma I know this approach this approach is what we did with Sary and the egg allergy and we learned on our own after one dose that Sary got bad stomach cramps and full body rash to egg.  We then kept her away from egg and the next time she was tested the response was huge. Sometimes I worry that the strict avoidance is what caused her to be more allergic then I remember that in the begining even a small amount made Sary miserable.

I am hoping that Piper will be able to have small doses of milk maybe just not big glasses of milk.  It would be good if she could drink Silk but then eat normally. 

Last night Sary and I were at the grocery store I was trying to read all the labels on the Gerber Graduates to see what I could send with Piper to school.  Sary kept running off to look at colored bubbles and bubble bath.  "Sary get over here and help me find food for your sister, or you will go in the babyseat in the cart!"

 At that point I realize that I am losing it in the baby aisle and I put down the gerber graduate and pick out Pink bubbles and Mr Bubble bubble bath.

Back to the baby aisle I found one thing she could eat "Chicken and Stars" grabbed six tubs threw them in the cart hope she likes them. Read the puffs she loves Thank God they are safe.  Six packs of veggies.  After locating Vanilla Silk we are set for the two week no dairy trial.

As we walk away I say to Sary,  "I am Super Mom I kept you safe from egg and peanut I can keep Piper safe from milk right?"

"Right Momma! Peanuts drive me nuts nuts nuts!" Sary continued to sing the peanuts drive me nuts song at the top of her lungs for the rest of the shopping trip.

My Little Sensory Seeker aka Tomboy

I am excited to say that I often have to remind mysef that Piper was born preemie.  This is a good thing.  However as her advocate.  I must remember that I am not an expert in child development.  The therapist who I now also refer to as Lorna.  Is a godsend.  I am thankful that I am not the only one that is tracking Piper's progress.  Lorna truely cares.  We had Piper's anual Individualized Education Plan review at the end of April.  Piper is tracking between 11-14 month on everything which is good because she was 12 months adjusted age.  But in three months they stop adjusting.  Right now she is 15 months old and without adjustment that would mean she was delayed in every area. 

Her biggest issues are sensory processing disorder (sensory seeking) and toticollis.  Her low muscle tone is minor at this point, but could reimerge as she develops.  I am worried about her social development moving forward, being a sensory seeking person is not very feminine. It is kind of absurde to worry about whether or not my 15 month old will be a tomoy but I am a mom with anxiety issues I worry :)  I am hoping that she will be able to sit in circle time or a classroom and listen when the other kids do and not climb the bookshelves instead.

One Woman's Pet Peeve is Another Woman's Endearing Quality

Have you ever noticed you become more like the company you keep? I have found this to be especially true with how I see people in my life.  If I am hanging out with people who think that kids are the greatest thing ever I am all smooshy and gaga about being a mom but if I am with someone who sees their children as a burden, all those annoying little things start to bother me.  The same goes for my husband.  If I am hanging out with women that are frustrated in their marriage I am more likely to be frustrated with the annoying things he does.

To be honest everyone has annoying things they do.  It is not that we love them in spite of these things we love including these annoying traits.  Also what annoys one person might not annoy someone else.  I love that Sary knows her own mind.  But I do find it annoying that she feels she must yell to get her point across.  I love that Jake likes to have a busy schedule.  But I do find it annoying that he is late all the time because he over commits.

Lorna the Therapist

So the last 6 months have been the most difficult 6 months in my life.  I had a baby girl Piper who was born prematurely and that has defined everything I have been doing for the last 6 months.  I am still now starting to find out if there is anything else I can handle doing anything besides mother her right now.  I have been on a project at work now for 2 weeks which with the holiday has meant a total of 5 days away from the Piper. I am blessed with the flexibility to work from home two days a week. By the end of the day yesterday all I wanted all I needed "was to hold my baby".  When I say I think the United States should have State funded 1 year paid maternity leave I mean it not from a political stance.  But from the stance of a mother that desparately yearns to hold my baby when she is away from me.  It is viceral not a political idea.

Today unfortunatly was not all giggles and spit up though.  Today was a Physical Therapy day, which is presumably why I am working from home in the first place to do all the hands on appointments for Piper.   The Ocupational Therapist  is named Lorna. I would just refer to her as "the therapist" but my mother in law always refers to her by name which feels a bit strange and almost too personal.  She does come to my home and does a service for my family but I don't know that I would call her Lorna if I went to her at an office somewhere.

So anyway Lorna the Therapist really made Piper scream today.  Apparently Piper's torticollis is getting worse.  So we need to "be more agressive with her neck stretches".  Early on when Lorna the Therapist noticed that Piper had a slight issue with torticollis she threatened us with these "horrible stretches" which is now where we are.  Today she threatened us with a collar made of tubing, which BTW she had in the car.  But she didn't want to use it if we could make the stretches work.  Ugh I feel like I am at the dentist when the therapist comes over.  Every week it is a new issue and a new horrible painful thing that could happen if I do not follow Lorna the Therapist's recommondations.

There was mentions of working on her overstimulation issues and her tolorance of crowds.  But that is not important right now right now we have the "take care of the neck".  I was instructed to get on the floor with Piper and hold her neck to the right. "How long?" I ask. "To tolorance" translation until she screams to the point that you can't tolorate it anymore. I think it is supposed to be until she can't tolorate it but to me that would be as soon as she screams.  When Lorna the Therapist had me administer the exercise she had me do it until I couldn't take the screaming anymore.  In addition to this stretch we are supposed to do the one that Piper really hates which is holding down on her right shoulder and pushing her head straight But Lorna the Therapist didn't write that one on the list.  Piper was so "done" by this point that Lorna the Therapist did not have me administer that one.

Lorna the Therapist wrote the following instructions in Piper's notebook:

On tummy - turn head to the right  - hold- lay next to her and talk [while she screams in your face]

On tummy - double roll to increase angle and look for head up arms forward and straight is fine. [because we tried to get her to do something with her arms but she wont so go ahead and focus on the head]

Roll side -> Back->Side [because she refuses to be on her belly so let's not even go there right now]