Where'd you find the best cup of coffee (or tea, or wine, or beverage of your choice?)

The best wine we found was at Bureaux Vineyard.

What cracked you up?

Mostly I was cracked up by my girls. I love how Piper is Sary's biggest fan and she cracks up when Sary does.

Most bizarre conversation of your year: script it. Use pseudonyms if necessary.

Me: Taking all my medicines with Sary watching as she brushes her teeth.

Sary: When I am a mommy will I get to take all those vitamins?

Me: I hope not, hopefully just one. (the actual vitamin)

Me: I love your pretty white teeth!

Sary: I love your pretty yellow teeth

(Boom goes the dynamite! No wonder mommies struggle with self esteem.)

What rocked your world, changed your life, and shifted the ground beneath your feet?

(Okay whoever wrote this list expected a lot from any given year didn’t they?!?) 

The most life changing thing for me this year was Jake.  You would think that after 8 years of marriage 1 year of engagement 3 years of dating.  That’s 12 plus years all together, there wouldn’t be much left that he could do that would change me.  He is my world, my life, the ground beneath my feet; how can he shake things up?  It is his solidarity his ability to be there for me “whatever it is” that I need him to be “wherever there is” that I need him to be he amazes me. 

When I ask, “Do you think I can move this mountain?”

He says “Yes there is nothing you can’t do if you put your mind to it.”

When I tell him “I feel like a failure that mountain was too big for me to move.”

He says “That’s okay you made a dent in it, right there.  You might not move it now, but you will someday, when the time is right.  I believe in you!”

He thinks I am smart and beautiful and sexy and wonderful and there is nothing I can’t do.  He is my champion my cheerleader.  Wow that is earth moving.

Who has been you teacher this year officially or unofficially?

I have learned this year.  But I am not sure that I have a teacher.  Would it sound arrogant to say I have been my own teacher?  I have taken motivation from my children and my husband but basically I have just decided to do it.::insert Nike swoosh::  I have decided that I can have the life I want.  I can be fit I can take care of myself.  I can be successful in my career.  I can be the mother I want to be.  This is the year of better.  I decided.  That is it that is all it took.  At the beginning of the year Jake and I changed our mindset to the year of better.  We were over having a sick baby we were over the PTSD we were ready to be better.  With that changed mind set of better I just did.  I was better.

When did you take the easy way?

This is a hard one for me because I am someone who likes to take on a challenge the idea of taking “the easy way” rubs me the wrong way.  I have been working my butt off literally and figuratively this year.  I have not taken the easy why with my weight loss.  I have changed my diet I have exercised I have sweat and cried.  I have worked my butt off at work too I have written winning proposals and I have earned awards and I have commuted all the way around the beltway 4 days a week for 6 months.

Where have I taken the easy way this year? Putting in my resignation may appear as taking the easy way out of the challenge.  Maybe I could have tried to find a different project or a different schedule or one more compromise.  But for me the hard answer was to admit Deloitte is hard and not everyone is up for the challenge.  At this time, though the challenge is appealing, being with my family is more important.  It may look like the easy way to my friends still climbing that ladder but to me it was a very hard decision to give up the prestige and the challenge and return to the other side of the beltway where my babies are reminding me that my own eminence is not the most important thing in life.

What was your favorite blog post?

My favorite blog posts were the two I wrote about my girl, Sary and Piper.

Where did you spend your money?

This is something that is of discussion in our household this time of year every year.  We end up in December with a lot of expenses for Christmas and Birthday parties.  We are in reflective time thinking about how we want to spend our money in the future.  We start planning goals for the next year and we wonder how did we make so much and save so little.  This year was especially hard for my extended family having helped them out impacted our savings a great deal.  Having two girls in daycare was hard on us too. Money is a source of worry for Jake and a source of guilt for me and stress between us.  We have plans to make a new budget in January which will help to account for occasional expenses and cyclical expenses, in addition to the monthly expenses hopefully that will help to ensure savings are saved.

What astonished you?

I had to look up astonished not because I had never heard the word but because when I heard it as a blog prompt it didn’t ring a bell with me.  What has filled me with wonder and amazement this year? When I think of wonder I think of the hearts of children and their indescribable thirst for knowledge and understanding of the world around them.  My children have been the most astonishing thing in my life this year.  Sary has grown up so much in the last year.  Her ability to relate her experiences to conversations is a very cool new development.  I like the way she is seeing connections in the world.  She has the most amazing faith in God that I am so thankful we have brought her up in the church.  She asks me questions that show a sincere desire to know God and Jesus.  Piper’s development over the last year has been astonishing too.  She has developed physical strength, walking, and talking.  She has also developed a better understanding of the world and the dangers of going downstairs and jumping off the furniture.  She understands everything we say and can make her own desires known.  This is my favorite year of being a mommy so far.  I love the sweetness of the cuddles and the fun of the wrestling.

When did you celebrate?

I have mentioned the celebrations we had throughout previous posts.  We celebrated:

1.       Piper’s first birthday at home with friends and family and a snowflake theme

2.       My Birthday in OBX

3.       Easter at the Burkets the girls were surprised with a new playhouse

4.       Jake’s Birthday at Breaux Vineyard

5.       When I lost 20 pounds

6.       When Jake got an unexpected raise

7.       Our anniversary at the Homestead

8.       Completing the Zombie run

9.       When Piper graduated OT

10.   Halloween with a Mermaid and Elmo

11.   When the Townsends announced Katie’s pregnancy

12.   Obama being re-elected

13.   When my brother came to visit from AZ

14.   Thanksgiving with the Burkets

15.   When I got an award at work

What were your favorite songs?

Never been a big music person but this year I realized that it is more a result of being picky than it is not caring.  I am a big fan of Po Girl. I was introduced to Girl in a Coma and Ingrid Michelson this year.  I think my favorite songs for this year are Po Girl “Pink Shoes” and Kiss me in the dark” and Ingrid Michelson “Ghost”.  I did enjoy going to an Ingrid Michelson concert with Marissa this year.

What was the best book you read?

Virtuoso Teams the book is the basis for the Deep Dive methodology that Deloitte uses.  It is an awesome way to facilitate problem solving and strategic planning. Most of the books I read this year were work related or church related.

Where did you visit this year?

I was working really hard at improving my utilization at work so we did not travel as much as normal ths year.  We did go to OBX for holy week/Spring Break with the Bachman’s.  Piper experienced the beach for the first time and my little sensory seeker loved rubbing sand on herself.  Sary acted like she was immune to the cold water.  We saw a beautiful huge double rainbow. During Labor Day weekend we went to Austin Texas to visit GiGi and Uncle Matt.  Uncle Scott and Aunt Lorraine came down to visit while we were there.  Piper enjoyed meeting GiGi. Sary liked seeing the bats fly out from under the bridge.  We visited Williamsburg over Columbus Day weekend we loved going to Busch Gardens and meeting Elmo and friends was good practice for Disney next year.

What was the most delicious meal you ate this year?

This year I have not been focusing on my foodie tendencies because I have been focusing on making healthy lifestyle changes. So I will say that Shakeology is the most delicious meal I have had this year.  I have had Shakeology for breakfast almost every day for three months.  I feel so much healthier now that I am starting my day with a nutritional boost.  I am not trying to be a BeachBody commercial either.  I am just so far away from focusing on food that I can’t even remember a fancy meal I had this year.  I have some memorable meals.  Jake took me to a nice restaurant in OBX for my birthday and the girls were precious. Jake and I went to the Homestead for our anniversary and Jake had to buy pants and borrow a jacket to eat in the dinning room, but the food was meh.  I gained three pounds after a Burket family meal at Olive Garden celebrating an award I got at work.  I enjoyed Thanksgiving because the whole Burket family came together and it was very nice, Sary lead us in singing her “We are Thankful” grace and Piper said Amen.

When you were most grateful?

I was most grateful when Piper graduated from Occupational Therapy.  It has been two years since she was born.  When she was born I was so scared.  The whole world looked strange to me.  I no longer trusted the comfort of my own dreams for my family.  The future was unpredictable.  I was so frightened that she might die or be physically disabled.  She grew stronger every day and came home in March before her due date and was healthy, no malformations, no brain bleeds.  She still had a challenge with coordinating her suck swallow breath but hey she could swallow.

I started her in Early Intervention right away.  She was evaluated in May.  She automatically qualified because she was born so early.  We were assigned an Occupational Therapist.  The first focus was on her suck swallow breath coordination.  It was immediate.  The advice of the OT worked wonders she was able to do it if she wasn’t distracted before the next OT visit two weeks later.

A year later at her evaluation in May we had overcome many obstacles her sensory seeking behavior was normalizing.  Her torticollis was not that bad.  She was walking and learning to talk.  We continued the therapy and added a couple goals around speech.  She had just started Day Care in April and I was not sure how she would adjust.  We had a couple months of slow progress she was sick a lot she was prescribed a preventative nebulizer treatment.  As soon as she was healthy again she burst forth all sorts of new words and abilities.

We worked on her neck and before I knew it when the OT asked me what my concerns were I didn’t have any.  A year and a half after she was born and poof like that, no more concerns.  I said “let’s keep an eye on her neck” so we scheduled our next appointment for two months later. (Not two weeks two months.) We met the OT in October and Piper was doing great. No more OT for now, we did not decline services we are still in early intervention but there are no immediate concerns.  I am so grateful to Lorna and her wonderful skills and patience. I am so grateful to God for his plans.

Jeremiah 29:11

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” New International Version (NIV)

Examen 2012

A blog prompt for every day in December to help me examine the progress I have made in my Heart Mind Body Soul

When were you most grateful?
What was the most delicious meal you ate?
Where did you visit this year?
What was the best book you read?
What were your favorite songs?
When did you celebrate?
What astonished you?
Where did you spend your money?
What was your favorite blog post...that you read or wrote?
When did you take the easy way?
Who has been your teacher this year - officially or unofficially?
What rocked your world, changed your life, shifted the ground beneath your feet?
Most bizarre conversation of your year: script it. Use pseudonyms if necessary.
What cracked you up?
Where'd you find the best cup of coffee (or tea, or wine, or beverage of your choice?)
When did you struggle?
What’s the most whimsical/spontaneous/ridiculous thing you did?
When did you see God at work?
When were you the angriest?
What’s been the best decision you made this year?
Who came into your life in 2012?
What did you learn?
What gifts did you give? What gifts did you receive?
Meme of the year: post a picture.
What did you make?
Where did you spend the most time?
Who surprised you?
What did you give up?
If the year 2012 had a hashtag, what would it be?
Where were you on January 1, 2012?
What’s one thing you’re committing to in 2013?

Llama llama Holiday Drama!!

I have reached the pinnical of holiday insanity this year.  I deserve an award because I got this accomplished before December 1st!  I have been working to get everything done early this year.

I have been mentally going through my check list. 
 Christmas shopping, [check] (except for stockings.)
Sary's birthday party planned, [check]. 
Family Christmas Card [check] (Even though we failed twice to get our family picture taken. I made and cancelled two appointments with Picture People.  One time I made it so close that we even had the dog in the car ready to go.)
Jake is getting into the habit of moving TEOS Henry around each night [check].
PJ for christmas morning [check].
The trip to the cabin is paid for [check]. 
Saurkraut is acquired from MIL [check]
New Years resolutions are rolling around in my head [almost check]. 

With all of these things complete what could be driving me insane you ask.

I just recieved the newsletter from Sary's PreK class!  Reading it made me cry litterally. I cant take it! I can't get ahead! I can't do it all!  ::insert throwing myself on the floor kicking and pounding my fist and you have the picture::

There are 15 school days before Christmas 10 of those days we need to send something into class with Sary. 3 of those days I need to take time off work to attend an event (ballet recital, Christmas party and Christmas breakfast.) I need to buy: new tights, new shoes, a gift for a pal, a supply for a gingerbread house and a dish to share for the holiday meal, some of which I will be supprised with a sign up list later this month so I can't even go ahead and do all the shopping at once.  Oh and I think Sary is out of craft shirts so we should send in a pack of those since they will be painting a gingerbread shirt one day. (Which means that she will probably ruin some of her clothes with t shirt paint again this month and she will have another Tshirt she will refuse to wear except on the day Ms Regina tells her to.)

Oh and lets not forget that suprise they are not only taking the day after Christmas off but also the Day after New Years Day off. In the last week of Dec and the first week of January the center is open for a total of 4 full days and 2 half days.  I think the December days were on the school calendar all year but the January days are news to me.

AHHH I feel better! 

Christmas Card 2012

Pictures Galore Christmas

Don't send boring Christmas cards , personalize them at Shutterfly.

View the entire collection of cards.

Adventures with a Pry

So we got home from being at my parents and there were dried blood drops all over the main level! I went searching for my cats thinking Lacey had injured one. While looking for the cats in the basement, I hear Jake yelling. Since I saw Dyna in the basement I thought Jake had discovered Ollie's remains in our bedroom I flew up two flights of stairs. Lacey was in the process of having her first housebreaking issue. Jake was mad but thank heaven no dead cat. I took Lacey out obviously she needed to go potty after being left home for hours. I had been busy figuring out the mystery of the blood drops. When I got back from the walk all cats were accounted for and we discovered Lacey had been bleeding from her spade staples.

Buying a crate today for my sanity.

Why I wanted to improve my fitness

Often in the Beachbody business they're asking what is your "why".  I always here different variations of my children are my inspiration.  There's nothing more humbling than knowing that there are people who rely on you for everything.  If you cannot see your own self-worth you can see your value to somebody else. That can take a while to hit home. That really didn’t hit home after I had Sary I didn’t miraculously gain maturity and perspective that my mom friends said I would gain. I was still pretty petty actually. I reached a new level of maturity after I had Piper.  I began to understand who I am. I put into perspective my relationships with my family of origin and with my place on this planet.  And if you hadn’t already guessed from my previous statement I went to therapy.

 

I learned that though the way Piper came into this world was the most horrible experience my life.  I lived day to day like at any moment my whole world could come crashing down around me.  During that time I felt like at any moment I could be totally destroyed.  This was my selfish view, my petty view.  The mature mom looks back on those days and remembers looking at the small baby, at all she went through for 65 days. I look at the fact that little did I know after the first week we were out of the woods all she was doing from that point forward was getting better.

 

Everything we take for granted in a full term baby, lifting their head, coordinating suck swallow and breathe reflexes.  My baby was suffering and struggle to just do normal everyday things like breathe. Through it all she didn't indicate that it bothered her at all and maybe it never did.  For people who have to struggle in life from the very beginning they don’t know any other reality.  It is only us that have had things come easy to us that resist pushing our limits or even reaching our potential for that matter.

 

There were challenges that she came home with after being born at 28 weeks.   We started occupational therapy.  I had to stretch her neck to tolerance that means you'll be stretching her neck she can deal with it anymore.  She had to accept not being held while being fed because her little body would go into sensory overload by feeling me touch her, feeling me breathing, and trying to accomplish a coordinated suck swallow breath, all at the same time.  Not only did she survive but if today you put  her next to a full term baby born when she was due in April she has not only caught up but she has surpassed her peers.

 

If she can achieve that I have no reasonable excuse in my mind that I could put together to make an excuse for why I would not make myself as healthy as possible. So that I can give them the quality of care and the fun experiences that they could only have with a healthy, fit mother. My children deserve for me to be here as long as possible. I have no doubt in my mind that if I can survive 65 days of the craziness of the NICU, I can do anything.

Social Pariah

It's amazing what an impact dieting has on being social. I knew that eating was a social activity, but it hadn't occurred to me until I changed my eating habits, how giving up social eating would bother other people. I realize now that I had been bothered in the same way before I was watching I was eating. Before I was eating healthy I would give somebody a hard time because they didn't want to have an extra dessert or go out for Starbucks or what have you.

Another thing that amazes me that when I go out for a work event how much food is being served. I eat appetizers and I have plenty to eat for dinner and then after the presentation dinner is served. The buffet is open! When I didn't get up to get food a senior manager asked me why am not eating dinner. For the first in my life I actually felt like I was worthy enough to say to somebody who "outranked" me. "I'm okay I have lost 20 pounds since I started this project. I ate my 300 cal worth of dinner off of appetizers and I don't need to eat anymore." (Plus on top of that I had a dirty margarita-martini and a beer.) I never knew there's so many calories anything I was eating at these events!

I even feel awkward when I go out to eat with friends and I order "diet" food. My standard McDonald's order is no longer a #8 (Southern fried chicken sandwich with french fries and Sweet Tea), it is it is a grilled chicken honey mustard wrap, with no fries, and a Diet Coke.

I know how I use to feel when skinny girls would sit there and  split a salad or whatever. I would be like seriously that's all you are eating is salad?!? I would see the girl that had a perfectly good figure and she would say "I want a half salad with half the normal amount of cheese with dressing on the side. I don't need any cookies. I'll just drink water." And think what are you trying to prove?

And what about the people at work with the pumpkin chocolate chip cookies (I made them myself.) Or the meetings with Chick-fil-A catering with those yummy chicken nuggets, waffle fries, and the gooey yummy brownie. Thankfully I don't have a donut day on Friday bagel day Wednesday at this office. It's not the temptation for the lack of willpower - it is the social pressure. Why is it that it bothers people to see other people refuse food? Why does that bother people when other people are making healthy choices?

Some people have more positive motivations than others for example when someone is a host they're offering food because they're trying to be hospitable. Other times people feel that by you refusing what they offer is you acting superior to them, there food isn't good enough for you, or they think - you think -  you are superior because you have more willpower than they do. Of course there is the neutral most common motivation which is to be social, when somebody is enjoying something, they want you to enjoy it too.

Studies show that fat people are viewed as having a lack of willpower. That the obese person has not organized and is slovenly. These assumption made in the workplace really do have an impact on the idea that when you eat together you are leveling the playing field. (And that by not eating with the group you are raising yourself above the others.)

But when you go out for a happy hour and it's expected that you're going to drink 2 to 3 drinks and then you're going to eat a couple thousand calories of the food that has nothing to do with your performance as a team player or leveling the playing field. It has to do with his over-indulgent society that likes to use the food to give them pleasure anf joy. Often you go to these events is about drinking your money's worth eating money's worth it's about getting as much from the corporate sponsorship of activity as possible. I'm not going to fast so that I can get my money's worth. Maybe I need to bring a Tupperware dish to bring my money's worth home.  But actually I don't want to most of the time the food isn't good enough that I want to eat it again later. Maybe I will just put a bottle of wine in my purse!

My Baby Lady is 4.58

Sary you are 4.58 years old.  I realized how nice it was to pause and think about Piper when she was 18 months so I decided to devote this blog to you.  At this moment you are suffering from your first heartbreak.  Your best friend Nick has relocated with his family for a year to Shanghai.  You are quick to remind me he is not your best friend you are going to marry him.  I remind you daddy is my best friend. 

 

You tackle life with joy and tenacity.  If there is an event you must attend, if there is a party you must go, if there is an extracurricular you want to be enrolled.  You love ballet, soccer, Giggle Bytes, Fit Kids, swimming and gymnastics.  But you get tired and like mommy and daddy you need help choosing which events and activities to participate in.  We will not be doing classes on Sunday anymore because as it should be church trumps everything in your life.  Even a ballet recital which you loved at the time but were upset that you didn't get to go to church.  "It was not my choice to miss church!" It is so hard for mommy now that you know your schedule.  Because even though your choice is church when you missed swimming for choir you cried immediately after coming off the stage.  So loudly that several people thought your friend Donavan had "done something to you." 

Your first lesson in choices was when you had to choose between Giggle Bytes and Fit Kids because the are both year round classes at Horizon.  Horizon Child Development Center is your "school"  you love your teachers and you have so many friends there.  You have gone to Horizon since you were 9 weeks old.  You had babies you liked and babies you didn't like from the very beginning.  It is amazing to me the depth of the friendships you have made.  At the same time the girl you used to talk about all the time Emma moved and you never mentioned her again.  But then again you always had Nick.  Now you have Trisha since Nick is away.

My favorite thing about my 4.58 year old girl is that I am your favorite person.  I am the center of your world.  You get upset when I have to go to work early and I do not wake you up.  I love that we get to snuggle and talk every night at bedtime.  I miss my quiet evenings watching TV with Daddy, but I know that this is only temporary. If I don't listen to all the things that are a big deal to you now you won't come to me with the big things when you grow up.  You are growing up way too fast, already. 

 

Baby girl 18 months today

Piper you are 18 months old.  You have become such a unique little girl.  You have a very expressive face.  I am the expert on what each of your faces mean.  Except your scrunchy face.  One day Sary asked me "What does that face mean?" I couldn't tell her I knew it meant you had strong feelings but were you: frustrated, determined or concentrating?  I am glad Maria captured your scrunchy face in your portrait.

Everyone says you look just like Sary.  You two do look a lot alike but you are such a wild child you are uniquely different from your sister.  I cannot turn my back without you climbing the stairs behind me.  I always thought toilet latches were silly until you came into my life, now all toilet-seats are down and bathroom doors are closed.  As daring as you can be, you still get overwhelmed in crowds.  Like the day in the picture the kids were running in and out of the fountain at Fairfax corner and you were happy to watch from your stroller.

Even though you are not a big fan of crowds, you are Sary's #1 fan.  If she is laughing in another  -you laugh.  If she makes a funny face you think it is hysterical.  If she takes a toy you want from you though you do not take it lying down.  You make your scrunchy face and reach over and grab a handful of her hair.  You don't let go until she screeches if she laughs at you, you pull harder.  But if Sary is throwing a fit and crying you will cry too. 

 Piper you are a strong, determined, little girl and I am so excited to learn more about who you are as you grow and learn to express yourself with words and not just faces and hair pulls.  At the same time I want to hold you forever as my baby girl and smell the back of your little neck and kiss your sweet little feet.

Will the real Domestic Goddess WIP please stand up?!?

I hate poems about writing poems.  I don't mind stories about writters i.e. Misery.  I am writting this blog about writting a blog.  I think mostly because this blog lacks focus.  I had originally envisioned it to be about my transformation from childless wife who hardly ever cooked into a mom that made wonderfully delicious and nutritions meals and kept the house car and kids spic and span.  Then I woke up.  I used this for a while as a personal journal type blog as I was dealing with Piper the pregnancy the NICU etc.  I have occasionally used this to discuss issues improtant to me and my girls: allergies, SPD.  But as I am sitting here at work trying to write my goals for the new year and revise my brand statement I realize that this blog needs a brand it needs a voice.

Here is the brand statement for me as a blogger which I will now use as the about information:

–My name is Missy aka Domestic Goddess (Work in Progress)

–I am a mother of Sary and Piper and wife to Jake, a Christian, an IT consultant, a poet, an artist and a woman. 

–What motivates me is being real; being honest and open.

–You can count on me to/for unvarnished truth about raising a family while working full time and a view into my church life, community service, poetry, and occasionally my fitness.

White Bread and Cheesecake

I have been sick more times this spring/summer that I was all of last year.  I had a stomach bug, a sore throat, and a fever.  Each virus was about two weeks apart from the previous one.  I have been dieting and I have been working out and I am worried that the two are connected.  My mission to be healthier has made me sick. To remedy this I have started to take a multivitamin.  In addition to my Vitamin D and Vitamin C tabs I have been taking.

I am sure part of it is that like a virus laden winter this June/July we are all cooped up insidebecause it has been so hot.

I am not giving up on my diet but I am trying to make sure it is more balanced. I have been eating a ton of fruits and veggies a little bit of carbs and protein at dinner.  I have now added a boiled egg to breakfast and hummus to my afternoon veggie snack and a cheese stick.  I feel like I am not losing as much weight as I should and that very well could be because I was in starvation mode.

There is a fitness challenge at work and I have been the team cheerleader.  This is such a new role for me.  I have never been excited about fitness.  I have realized that I have a negative association with exercise.  This comes from so many places in my childhood that it is no wonder that I have fitness issues.

I think it is interesting to see that there is a fitness trend in our country right now.  We may have actually survived the obesity epidemic and came out on the other side.  “You would never have believed it Sary there was white bread and cheesecake everywhere!”

Momma against the milk wielding world

Is Piper allergic to milk? I wish I had been the one to go to the doctor.  I would have come home with a more definitive stance on the issue.  I would have said she is allergic but we have to see how severe her reactions are.  However Jake came home directly quoting the doctor which is accurate, but not the stance allergy momma needs to take with well meaning bystanders.

Piper is allergic to milk protein.

"I have seen her eat ice cream she loves it!" says milk wielding bystander.

You should have seen Sary eat egg that one time she loved it until two hours later when she was getting sick and she looked up at me with these accusing eyes "Momma why did you have me eat egg? I hate egg!  I don't want the bucket!" 

Mommas needs to protect their kids from anything that will hurt them.  Piper gets hives from milk protein.  I don't want her to suffer with hives. As her momma it is my job to protect her immune system and not constantly inundate her with a substance that causes her body to react and to get hives. I need to avoid all milk products for a couple of weeks to get a full understanding of her reaction.  Fingers crossed she will be able to tolerate small amounts of milk.

In our milk free two weeks she has eaten:

• A few licks of Sary's creamy lollipop (blotches on face)
• Two bites of mac and cheese (legs got rashy)
• Nibble of Heath bar through the wrapper (no reaction but damn she is sneaky)
• Cupcake at school contents unknown (rashy legs again)

I like all you milk loving people want her to be able to enjoy ice cream but it won't be the end of the world if she has to eat toffuti ice cream. 

I actually did some research and bought her all kinds of stuff to try this week:

• Toffuti Chocolate Ice Cream
• Toffuti Cream Cheese (quite good actually)
• Vanilla Silk (I hear original Silk is not very tasty)
• Rice American Cheese (that are made for melting)

Piper can decide when she is grown if she wants to suffer with hives to be able to eat regular ice cream. 

Please take all allergies seriously. The more a child/person is exposed to an allergen the more severe the reactions can become.

Allergies drive me nuts nuts nuts

I had this sinking feeling all day yesterday and I tried to make it go away.  I tried to ignore it.  My kids are fine the are all finally healthy be happy momma.  But as much as I was trying to deny it I knew the appointment Jake was taking Piper to at 3:00 was significant.

I am already an allergy momma I know what allergic reactions look like.  We can have all the Burkety thoughts we want but hives don't lie.  I also knew what ever she was allergic too was pretty common too.  She had been having her rash even during the week that all she had was Formula, Milk and Starch due to her stomach bug.  So we were looking at a wheat, milk or soy allergy and I knew it.  Jake was trying to convince me that she was allergic to egg which would be hard for some families but easy for us since Sary is already sensitive to eggs.

I had a list of things she had reacted to that I sent to Jake via email with a link to the forms he needed to fill out for the appointment.  He called on his way there saying that he felt extra prepared and on top of things that he had even packed a man-diaper bag.  He could do this I was not doubting his parenting abilities.  But would he hear the same instructions from the doctor that I would?  Would he explain the different reactions?  Could he fully discribe a mothers worry?  Too late now the ball is in Daddy's court.  Text me! I instruct then wait.

He sends a text.
J: No test for avocado or jalapenos. Not reliable enough. He says if we're concerned just avoid them.

M: Okay Obviously we will avoid jalapeno but I might try avocado again
M: What are they testing?

J: I don't have a list yet.
J: Almond Walnut Wheat Soy Milk Egg and Peanut

M: Pretty standard probably the same as Sary's first test if I remember correctly

J: I don't know the order, but it looks like she is only having 1 reaction.

M: One reaction besides the histamine

J: Yeah

M: :/

J: She was over being poked before the lady gathered up and left the room.

M: Good
M: If she comes back in the room be for time is up ask her is the reacting one is egg

J: Milk :( and walnut. Egg was fine 

After he talked to the doctor again he gave me a call.  Piper's reactions were small not a true allergy response.  The Walnut might not be anything but he said we should avoid nuts at this age and bring her back in a year and he would retest the walnut and peanut because if we are a peanut free house she might not have ever been exposed to them before.

As for the milk we have to experiment at home to find the answer  two weeks no dairy and then give her lots of milk at least one cup at each meal.  We watch for a reaction and see what happens.

I am an allergy momma I know this approach this approach is what we did with Sary and the egg allergy and we learned on our own after one dose that Sary got bad stomach cramps and full body rash to egg.  We then kept her away from egg and the next time she was tested the response was huge. Sometimes I worry that the strict avoidance is what caused her to be more allergic then I remember that in the begining even a small amount made Sary miserable.

I am hoping that Piper will be able to have small doses of milk maybe just not big glasses of milk.  It would be good if she could drink Silk but then eat normally. 

Last night Sary and I were at the grocery store I was trying to read all the labels on the Gerber Graduates to see what I could send with Piper to school.  Sary kept running off to look at colored bubbles and bubble bath.  "Sary get over here and help me find food for your sister, or you will go in the babyseat in the cart!"

 At that point I realize that I am losing it in the baby aisle and I put down the gerber graduate and pick out Pink bubbles and Mr Bubble bubble bath.

Back to the baby aisle I found one thing she could eat "Chicken and Stars" grabbed six tubs threw them in the cart hope she likes them. Read the puffs she loves Thank God they are safe.  Six packs of veggies.  After locating Vanilla Silk we are set for the two week no dairy trial.

As we walk away I say to Sary,  "I am Super Mom I kept you safe from egg and peanut I can keep Piper safe from milk right?"

"Right Momma! Peanuts drive me nuts nuts nuts!" Sary continued to sing the peanuts drive me nuts song at the top of her lungs for the rest of the shopping trip.

Are your kids afraid of white vans?

When I was a child a girl I went to school with (had attended her birthday party) was kidnapped sexually abused and murdered.  She was walking from the horse stables on her families property along a road to the house.  It took them a couple of weeks to find the body.  Her killer was found and convicted.  It was the summer after 3rd grade.  I think that was the first time I ever realized their was evil in the world. Stories about abduced children like the one on babycenter today always make me think of her.  I think of her from the perspective of a child still.  I think she was the first person I ever knew who died.  (I know I didn't go to a funeral until the summer after 5th grade when my mothers Unce Chuck died.)  It was a lot to process that not only did people die but that someone my age had died and not only that but that she had been so brutally abused and killed.  My parents didn't hid it from me we watched the news every night whether my school mate was featured or not.  I know that summer and other times we would run and hide from white vans because there is always white box trucks and vans around so of course no matter what happens that is the first vehicle that is reported on the news. DC Sniper for the locals here. Often like wiht the DC Snipers it is not even a white van involved.  But to us kids nothing could get us running into a neighbors backyard faster than seeing a white van.

I know my girls are too young to know there is evil in the world.  So it is my duty to watch out for the white van for them.

My Little Sensory Seeker aka Tomboy

I am excited to say that I often have to remind mysef that Piper was born preemie.  This is a good thing.  However as her advocate.  I must remember that I am not an expert in child development.  The therapist who I now also refer to as Lorna.  Is a godsend.  I am thankful that I am not the only one that is tracking Piper's progress.  Lorna truely cares.  We had Piper's anual Individualized Education Plan review at the end of April.  Piper is tracking between 11-14 month on everything which is good because she was 12 months adjusted age.  But in three months they stop adjusting.  Right now she is 15 months old and without adjustment that would mean she was delayed in every area. 

Her biggest issues are sensory processing disorder (sensory seeking) and toticollis.  Her low muscle tone is minor at this point, but could reimerge as she develops.  I am worried about her social development moving forward, being a sensory seeking person is not very feminine. It is kind of absurde to worry about whether or not my 15 month old will be a tomoy but I am a mom with anxiety issues I worry :)  I am hoping that she will be able to sit in circle time or a classroom and listen when the other kids do and not climb the bookshelves instead.

No Spend Lent

Jake and I decided to not spend any money during Lent other than paying bills and buying groceries.  This was much harder for me than it was Jake.  Mostly because I am addicted to Starbucks and I eat lunch out at work instead of packing a lunch.  I broke No Spend Lent by buying some facial items at the mall because I was overly confident and went into the den of temptation to get Sary a haircut and use my free STBX Birthday coupon.  It was very easy to fall into the old habit of buying things I wanted but didn't necessarily need.  I partially bought it out of guilt that I got a "free" facial and used the sales ladies time.  So I "owed" her a sale right?  I am proud that I didn't buy any lunches or coffee though.  We decided that we needed fastfood on a long car drive to OBX that was supposed to take 5 hours and took us 11.  We also stopped on the way home because the return trip was 9 hours. 


What I observed from No Spend Lent:

1. I am addicted to spending $5 for the same coffee I can get out of a machine at work 
2. I like to buy things when I am stressed out (doesn’t solve anything when I am stressed about $) 
3. I buy fattier foods than I make (hence the NSL weight loss) 
4. I often spend $ when I socialize I was very anti-social during NSL

What I learned from NSL:

1. Keurig Coffee is pretty good
2. I do not need new shoes for every important meeting
3. Packing my lunch will save money and calories
4. I can invite my friends over for no reason and eating at a restaurant does not equal quality time
5. Jake does not understand facial products are a need not a want ;-)
6. God does not want us to be mean to each other even if tht means breaking NSL to stop at a fast food joint on a car trip that has turned into 11 hours instead of 5

The first things I bought after Lent: 

1. Starbucks Iced Caramel Macchiato
2. Premier jewelry from a friend
3. Picture frames from Target

I am not ready to be a Dance Mom

We paid for Sary to take 10 classes in what was called "Story Ballet" which this school classifies as a "community outreach" class.  While in this class we also signed up for a performance which was advertised to the class participants and parents.  The performance package cost as much as the 10 lessons but what it  included was: 4 weeks of rehearsals, use of a costume, two tickets to the performance, a cast party, and a DVD.

It was kind of intense since Sarys regular class and rehearsals both fell on a Saturday.  For "Story Ballet" Sary could wear whatever she wanted and have her hair however she chose.  (I tried to keep it in a ponytail.) We did buy her proper ballet shoes for the class. 

For the performance rehearsals she was required: to attend ALL of the rehearsals, tights/leggings,  ballet dress, ballet socks, ballet shoes and "performance ready" hair.  Which was intimidating as Sary and I are lucky to get her hair brushed most days and performance perfect buns seemed out of the realm of possibility.  I asked a dancer we know at church for hair tips.

At some point when she was in full swing of this rehearsal schedule her Story Ballet teacher and I discussed putting her in "curriculum" classes possibly starting immediately with a transfer. This got me excited that she was performing well and learning.  It also made me a little nervous. Afer emailing repeatedly and calling the school during office hours the  assistant director in charge of admittance couldn't bother to return my phone calls or emails.

As the performance got closer I started to get  more irritated.  Is there just something in my past that makes me resistant to the conformity of a ballet conservatory. Or is it just natural to get irritated when an organization cannot get themselves organized enough to make it convenient for my friends and family to order tickets but have very high expectations of me and my four year old? She was expected to be on time for rehearsal though the teacher often made them wait to get started so she could walk her dog or make announcements to parents.  The announcements the week before the performance were as follows "I don't know how much the tickets are"  "I don't know when they will be available" "When I said pink tights in the class announcement I really meant peach."  Make sure the have performance perfect hair no matter how much gel and hairspray it takes." "Drop your kids off in tights and a hoody only"

We found out how much the tickets costs the Thursday before the performance on Sunday.  So much for inviting friends.  Not a good way to run a  fundraiser you would think they would want to sell out.

We arrived ten minutes before the drop off time which was "too early" "you must be new to the conservatory because ballet time is always at least ten minutes late".  The performance started ten minutes late.  The performance went okay.  But I think they would have done better if they had practiced they day before instead of trying costumes on the whole time. So after the performance we were not allowed to take pictures of the kids in their costumes after they left the stage and we were not allowed in the dressing rooms.  But Sary was not being let out of the dressing room because all she was wearing was tights and a hoody. ugh  When I tried to go in they said we have to do it this way we haven't lost a dancer yet.  But my 4 year old is in there frustrated because she cannot express that those are all the clothes she has because that is how the teacher told mommy to dress her for drop off.

When asked if she liked is she said "It was bored".  humph
So we went out to Red Robin and celebrated as a family Burkets enjoy celebrating life. 

Then on Friday at 7:30 pm we receive an invitation to the cast party 2:30 -4:00 on Sunday party dress required.  I was so done with the school at this point Jake says we have to go so we can get the DVD.  I asked Jake to take Sary to it.  But then Sunday Sary asks that I go with her because all the Mommies will be there. I get her dressed in her party dress and squeeze her feet into last years dress shoes.  We go we wait ten minutes and then it finally starts.  Then they play the 12 and 3 o'clock performances simultaneously on opposite sides of the room. The cake has egg and the drink is pink lemonade which Sary thinks is too sour even if it is pink.  She eats the oreos and rice krispie treat I packed in my purse with water.  We get our goody bag full of cheap pinata hard candy. Her performance teacher did not come to the party which clearly disappointed her. BTW DVD are not ready yet we will get an email at some future time and be told when we can pick it up. 

There is just some thing wrong with the messages they are sending these girls.  It is very important how you look.  But you do not have to respect others time.  You do not have to respect others feelings.  You are not responsible to make sure things are organized in such a way that it is easy for the people you are working with as long as they are easy for you. 

On my way out of the building I said a little silent good bye to the extremely impractical uncomfortable siezure inducing benches in the parents observation area.  I very patiently let Sary walk on the retaining wall even though she was in her party dress and I was anxious to get out of there.

I think we will stick with Petite Dance at day care this spring and find a new ballet school in the fall.  Petite Dance Ballet starts on Tuesday.  I am looking forward to dressing her in her pink t-shirt and ponytail.

There is a Rotten Tomato Under My Rose Bush

About a year and a half ago in September 2010 when I returned from vacation there were random vegtables in my front and back yard I blamed it on squirrles but thought it was weird that they were in the front bushes and the backyard.

Around October 2010 my neighbor began harassing me about my cat Sammy. She complained that he had been tearing up her screens, we offered to fix them. She complained that he would go in her house when she had the door proped open to bring in groceries, I told her to call me and I would come get him. She said to keep him inside or she would have him taken to the pound. My issues with my pregnancy for Piper had just been diagniosed, I took Sammy to my parents house, I couldn't take the stress. I blocked her from all of my social networks and email.

 Random rotten fruits and vegtables continued to land in my yard.

 After Piper was born her husband made her make dinner for my family stuffed shells and chocolate chip cookies. She labeled the cookies as containing egg because she knew about Sary's allergies. She didn't label the shells as containing egg. Sary threw up all night. Jake made me write her a thank you note. Jake gave it to her with the pan from the shells.

Then in the spring she started slamming her SUV door into the Scion. Jake turned the other cheek. On the evening of June 16th I parked in the spot adjacent to hers because when I got home Piper's Ocupational Therapist was in my usual spot. She slammed her door so hard into my Jetta that the mirror on the door was pushed back and there was a definent mark.

We installed cameras.  She confronted me sort of about the cameras. (Is that even legal? Legal yes!Acceptable by HOA yes! I checked.) She continued to slam her door into the Scion. She threw cheese at the Jetta. Jake wrote an email to her husband he said to take the matter up with the wife.  She never responded to the email after Jake forwarded it to her email address. She stopped slamming her door into our car but parked right on the line everytime even if she had to back up to pull in a gain and get closer.

Random rotten fruit and vegtables were lobbed into mine and Sary's garden hitting our tomato plants.  I wrote an email to the homeowners association they said it was a police matter. We were not ready to escalate. Jake built a shed to protect my garden from her assults.

Two weeks ago I started driving the Scion to work because I am parking in a tight parking garage for work and well it already has damage. She started getting more aggressive about slamming her door into the car again. 

On Friday Feb 24th morning I walked out to the car at the same time as she did in the morning I got Sary into her seat the neighbor loaded her bags into the drivers side of her car.  She came around to the passengers side of the car and stood there as I prepared to back out. She opened the door into my mirror as I backed out.  She gave me a dirty look I gave her a dirty look. She closed the door. I pulled out stopped and asked another neighbor if she had seen it.  By the time we were finished talking she was inside her house. 

On Saturday Jake recieved an email from her with some sickeningly sweet greeting asking for my email address describing me hitting her mirror and almost hitting her and suggesting we be more careful around the cars for the sake of the children.  I told Jake to ignore her.

Jake asked around and decided to respond on Monday.  She then stated that she had reported me and the car to the police.  I assumed for a hit and run since you can't report someone to the police for a civil matter.

I reported the incident to my insurance.  Then on the way home from work I called Fairfax County Dispatch to see if there was a police report out about a hit and run at her or my address. She said there wasn't an existing report. The dispatcher said that I could call back and get a police officer to come out ant write and incident report.

I called when I got home and got a different dispatcher this one not as nice and sympathetic.  He told me that it was too late to report the accident but he did dispatch and officer to discuss the harassment I had been recieving.  The officer spoke to me and advised me on strategies to prevent further incidents and also advised me it was not technically harassment (yet).  He also spoke to the neighbor and advised both of us to report all vehicular contact to our insurance and if the other party did not provide insurance information to call the police.

Through speaking with the officer I came up with the idea of petitioning the homeowner's association to move visitors spot between our assigned spaces.  The President of the association said he would email the request to the board and that we would have to pay for the numbers to be repainted.  If it doesn't get passed via email I will have to go to the board meeting the second week of March to make the request in person.

Yesterday I saw a rotten tomato under my rose bush.

I Am Here

There are several things today that have made me think that there is something wrong with this country this society and just people in general today from the micro to the macro and I will do my best to tie them all together. Or this could just be a thought salad.

First my neighbor who has decided for some reason to make my life miserable when ever she can made an extra effort to be obnoxious this morning. She came out to her car as I was getting into mine (the red Scion) she was parked on the left as always. Part of my issue with her is that she enjoys hitting my car (Jake’s car) with her car door. So much in fact that we installed a camera to prevent her from continuing to do the damage. This morning after putting things into the left side of her car she came between our cars as I backed out and hit my car and mirror with her door. For fun or spite whatever. Sary asked what is wrong with her mama. I pulled out and my other neighbor who saw the incident also commented something a little more direct than that. So after dropping Sary off I called Jake to discuss the issue he mentioned all the reasons we should be sympathetic and how he doesn’t even look at her anymore to avoid the dirty looks. This left me feeling frustrated and wondering what gives her the right to spew hate everywhere.

I was happily walking to work from the parking garage (probably ¾ of a mile) as I walked down Wilson blvd I was happy that I had gotten every walk sign. There is nothing better than getting all walk signals when it is drizzling. I saw people with their earphones in heads down walking to work. I was thinking why shut this out the cityscape is great the sights the sounds the smells (for the most part). Then I turned up N Lynn Street about a block from my office I saw a homeless guy with a cardboard sign that said 'VETERAN can you help?' He was sitting there all dirty looking very much homeless sitting in a camp chair smoking a cigarette and talking on a cell phone, laughing a jolly laugh talking to someone who is obviously a good friend of his. I smiled thinking how nice for him to be so happy on this dreary day. Some business men three steps down the block smoking under the edge of a building were not smiling I heard one of them say to the other “Wonder if welfare paid for that phone?” Seriously where do you think he gets his welfare checks delivered “Homeless Bob, Campchair N. Lynn St, Arlington, VA”? What makes you so much better than him? As I always tell Sary he is Gods creature just like you. What in God’s creation makes you superior to him? As I entered my office building I thought, maybe I should wear my earphones on the way back to the parking garage tonight.

Then this afternoon I got a text from my sister our nephew was seen by the judge. He was appointed an attorney he will have his next hearing April 5th. My nephew has a loving family who is crushed by him being back in jail, this time for a parole violation. When will he be able to put the past behind him? When will he get a chance to get a job and a place to live without his past haunting him? Do you think the judge will understand the challenges an ex-con faces in a recession when he has his hearing for a parole violation for not having a job.

There are so many people in our society that just look at other people and think they have them figured out. I do not know why my neighbor doesn’t like me. Maybe she thinks my life is easy, that I don’t have my share of suffering so she has taken it upon herself to make me suffer. I don’t know why the businessmen out smoking dislike the homeless man maybe they envy the fact that all he has to do today is sit in a campchair and laugh on the phone. I don’t know why my nephew has to suffer over and over for mistakes he made in the past. I do know the system is more likely to sympathize with the woman who slams her door into my car and the men who smoke under the awning than it is to sympathize with my nephew or the homeless man.

The best place to make change is from where you are and I am here. Stay tuned because you know when I have made up my mind to do something things happen.