Why I wanted to improve my fitness

Often in the Beachbody business they're asking what is your "why".  I always here different variations of my children are my inspiration.  There's nothing more humbling than knowing that there are people who rely on you for everything.  If you cannot see your own self-worth you can see your value to somebody else. That can take a while to hit home. That really didn’t hit home after I had Sary I didn’t miraculously gain maturity and perspective that my mom friends said I would gain. I was still pretty petty actually. I reached a new level of maturity after I had Piper.  I began to understand who I am. I put into perspective my relationships with my family of origin and with my place on this planet.  And if you hadn’t already guessed from my previous statement I went to therapy.

 

I learned that though the way Piper came into this world was the most horrible experience my life.  I lived day to day like at any moment my whole world could come crashing down around me.  During that time I felt like at any moment I could be totally destroyed.  This was my selfish view, my petty view.  The mature mom looks back on those days and remembers looking at the small baby, at all she went through for 65 days. I look at the fact that little did I know after the first week we were out of the woods all she was doing from that point forward was getting better.

 

Everything we take for granted in a full term baby, lifting their head, coordinating suck swallow and breathe reflexes.  My baby was suffering and struggle to just do normal everyday things like breathe. Through it all she didn't indicate that it bothered her at all and maybe it never did.  For people who have to struggle in life from the very beginning they don’t know any other reality.  It is only us that have had things come easy to us that resist pushing our limits or even reaching our potential for that matter.

 

There were challenges that she came home with after being born at 28 weeks.   We started occupational therapy.  I had to stretch her neck to tolerance that means you'll be stretching her neck she can deal with it anymore.  She had to accept not being held while being fed because her little body would go into sensory overload by feeling me touch her, feeling me breathing, and trying to accomplish a coordinated suck swallow breath, all at the same time.  Not only did she survive but if today you put  her next to a full term baby born when she was due in April she has not only caught up but she has surpassed her peers.

 

If she can achieve that I have no reasonable excuse in my mind that I could put together to make an excuse for why I would not make myself as healthy as possible. So that I can give them the quality of care and the fun experiences that they could only have with a healthy, fit mother. My children deserve for me to be here as long as possible. I have no doubt in my mind that if I can survive 65 days of the craziness of the NICU, I can do anything.

Lorna the Therapist

So the last 6 months have been the most difficult 6 months in my life.  I had a baby girl Piper who was born prematurely and that has defined everything I have been doing for the last 6 months.  I am still now starting to find out if there is anything else I can handle doing anything besides mother her right now.  I have been on a project at work now for 2 weeks which with the holiday has meant a total of 5 days away from the Piper. I am blessed with the flexibility to work from home two days a week. By the end of the day yesterday all I wanted all I needed "was to hold my baby".  When I say I think the United States should have State funded 1 year paid maternity leave I mean it not from a political stance.  But from the stance of a mother that desparately yearns to hold my baby when she is away from me.  It is viceral not a political idea.

Today unfortunatly was not all giggles and spit up though.  Today was a Physical Therapy day, which is presumably why I am working from home in the first place to do all the hands on appointments for Piper.   The Ocupational Therapist  is named Lorna. I would just refer to her as "the therapist" but my mother in law always refers to her by name which feels a bit strange and almost too personal.  She does come to my home and does a service for my family but I don't know that I would call her Lorna if I went to her at an office somewhere.

So anyway Lorna the Therapist really made Piper scream today.  Apparently Piper's torticollis is getting worse.  So we need to "be more agressive with her neck stretches".  Early on when Lorna the Therapist noticed that Piper had a slight issue with torticollis she threatened us with these "horrible stretches" which is now where we are.  Today she threatened us with a collar made of tubing, which BTW she had in the car.  But she didn't want to use it if we could make the stretches work.  Ugh I feel like I am at the dentist when the therapist comes over.  Every week it is a new issue and a new horrible painful thing that could happen if I do not follow Lorna the Therapist's recommondations.

There was mentions of working on her overstimulation issues and her tolorance of crowds.  But that is not important right now right now we have the "take care of the neck".  I was instructed to get on the floor with Piper and hold her neck to the right. "How long?" I ask. "To tolorance" translation until she screams to the point that you can't tolorate it anymore. I think it is supposed to be until she can't tolorate it but to me that would be as soon as she screams.  When Lorna the Therapist had me administer the exercise she had me do it until I couldn't take the screaming anymore.  In addition to this stretch we are supposed to do the one that Piper really hates which is holding down on her right shoulder and pushing her head straight But Lorna the Therapist didn't write that one on the list.  Piper was so "done" by this point that Lorna the Therapist did not have me administer that one.

Lorna the Therapist wrote the following instructions in Piper's notebook:

On tummy - turn head to the right  - hold- lay next to her and talk [while she screams in your face]

On tummy - double roll to increase angle and look for head up arms forward and straight is fine. [because we tried to get her to do something with her arms but she wont so go ahead and focus on the head]

Roll side -> Back->Side [because she refuses to be on her belly so let's not even go there right now]