Better

We have gone through hell in 2011 and we are better because of it.


I learned throughout the last year what kind of strength resides in me. How strong I am physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. And in learning the depths of my strength I have grown in every dimension.

I survived major surgery and then walkout of the hospital to my car head held high with no baby in my arms. I walked to the parking garage to my car because I could not bear the idea of sitting in the lobby watching the newborn bundles go home when my sweet Piper was in a plastic box, covered in wires, incubating under billi-lights.

I held it together for my sweet girl Sary and convince her that life is going on as normal (while I was dying inside) and that it is normal for a baby to stay at the hospital after they are born.

I drove to and from the hospital everyday wondering what my perfect little Piper would be doing next and drove home every night wondering if she would survive until I saw her again.

I learned that prayer can strengthen me and hold me up and comfort me.

After two months that seemed like an eternity.

I took a tiny baby home and loved her to pieces.

I moved on past my NICU fears: She will not break. No one will take her away. I am her mother.

It took me the second half of the year to recover from the trauma of the first half. I have new gray hairs, new wrinkles, and a different shaped body which will always remind me of this time but I will recover from the pain.

I learned what really matters in life. I learned that it is never too late to forgive. I learned that time is precious and that you cannot predict the future, so loving someone cannot wait until the right time. It doesn’t matter if there is work, it doesn’t matter if the house is dirty, it doesn’t matter if it requires you to admit you made a mistake. Life cannot wait. If 28 week old babies can be born on their own schedule and turn my life upside down there is no telling what will happen next. It is time to do better now there is no time to waste.

I am leaving 2011 behind already. I have moved on and 2012 is the year of Better. Not “Getting Better” but simply Better. As in Piper is better. I am better.
Jake and I have decided we are going to do better. We are going to tighten our budget and make better financial decisions. We are going to look at how we spend our time and make better decisions about what we do with it. This is the year of better.

God bless our little Miracle. God bless our little family. Amen